Here I Go Again: How To Stop Self-Sabotaging

A woman looking down as she walks with her hands in her pockets

We all have an image of what our ideal life looks like: successful, purpose-driven, balanced, content. So what’s preventing us from fulfilling that vision?

Well, if we’re honest with ourselves, the answer most likely will be: ourselves. We know what’s good for us and what we need to do to reach our goals, but oftentimes, self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors prevent us from stepping out toward that vision.   

Self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors prevent us from stepping out toward that vision.   

Some forms of self-sabotage are obvious, such as declining opportunities outside of one’s comfort zone or shortchanging relationships. Meanwhile, others are more subtle, such as procrastinating on projects or making little excuses for our shortcomings. 

For me, self-sabotage has recently manifested itself as fear of the future. After experiencing constant change and loss during the pandemic, I’ve been feeling as though I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This in turn has prevented me from appreciating all the beautiful blessings and happiness of the present moment and from fulfilling the vision I had for this season. 

According to my friend Britt Van Asbach, a mental health worker based in Wisconsin, the good thing about being able to recognize self-sabotaging in our lives is that it enables us to work to overcome it. No matter what self-sabotaging behavior we’re dealing with, acknowledging the incongruence between our goals and actions is the first step toward breaking the pattern.  

The good thing about being able to recognize self-sabotaging in our lives is that it enables us to work to overcome it.

Once we do acknowledge the issue, there are a few steps that we can take to transform our habits: 

1. Define the root cause.

Perhaps we’re afraid of the expectations other people have of us or we do not dare to dream for fear of being disappointed.  Whatever we might be experiencing, unless we understand what’s driving our self-sabotaging behavior, we’ll never be able to cultivate alternative habits or thought patterns to fill that void. 

Unless we understand what’s driving our self-sabotaging behavior, we’ll never be able to cultivate alternative habits or thought patterns to fill that void. 

2. Get support.

It is also important to not isolate. Find friends and mentors to talk with about your weaknesses, strengths and goals. This will provide you with both accountability and support. 

3. Engage in wellness activities.

It can also be helpful to do activities that switch your thoughts from self-sabotaging behaviors to positive things. This could be as simple as spending time in nature, cuddling a pet, seeing friends or volunteering. 

Last but not least, we must remember who we are. “We must know that even if we fail, our failures don’t define us,” Van Asbach writes. “We can fail at our goals over and over again; what’s important is that we pick ourselves back up and continue striving.”

Do you have any self-sabotaging habits? What emotions compel you toward that habit? How can you confront those feelings head on?

Image via Jack Belli, Darling Issue No. 17

Grab Your Popcorn: 7 New Netflix Releases We Can’t Wait To Watch






Source: Netflix

Three words, 12 letters, say it and I’m yours: new on Netflix. My affinity for falling head over heels for a brand-new series or film started long before the birth of the streaming service as we know it. Instead, it is deep rooted in my childhood-based Friday trips to Blockbuster. Choosing amongst what seemed like 3.2 billion titles, narrowing my decision down to one, and snagging a strawberry Ring Pop at checkout was the pregame. Snuggling up with my favorite tie blanket, popping the VHS tape into our dusty Panasonic VCR, and watching a new (probably very mediocre) flick was the main event.

CURRENTLY TRENDING /

The Best 4th of July Sales to Shop This Weekend

epic discounts from our favorite retailers 🇺🇸 

Blockbuster may be dead, but my love for compellingly fresh shows, thrilling new movies, and a worry-free Friday night on my couch remains alive and well. Saying “hello” to another month means welcoming new-on-Netflix arrivals and honey, you’re going to want to grab your popcorn for these guys:

 

New and Ready to Stream

 

1. Fatherhood 

We love a Kevin Hart moment, and Fatherhood is no exception. In this new Netflix film that was released on Father’s Day, Hart plays a widowed father who is trying to navigate the highs and lows of fatherhood after the death of his wife. Despite the subtle humor, this is one of Hart’s more serious roles, and one that he absolutely nailed at that. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll be happy that you pressed play.

 

2. Good on Paper

As soon as I saw Iliza Shlesinger on my Netflix home page, I just about fainted. I’m already a big fan of her stand-up comedy features so my hopes for this film were automatically through the roof. In this rom com, Shlesinger plays Andrea Singer, a stand-up comic (fitting) who, after years of putting her career first, leans into love. We’re always down for a lower-stakes romantic comedy, and this one checks off all of our boxes.

 

3. Sisters on Track

Documentary fans, unite! Sisters on Track is one of Netflix’s newest heartfelt documentaries and one that should be at the top of your “to watch” list. This coming-of-age story follows Tai, Rainn, and Brooke, three sisters who are training for the Junior Track Olympics while dealing with the struggles of living in a homeless shelter with their single mother, Tonia. It’s a tender, inspirational film that is more than worth the watch.

 

4. Sex/Life

This new steamy drama series looks messy AF and we are here for it. It might not be the most wholesome or heartfelt feature on the block but, honestly, that’s the appeal of it. Sex/Life tells the tale of a middle-aged, married woman and mother who essentially has a midlife crisis and wonders what happened to the full-of-life, living-on-the edge person that she used to be. Enter a mysterious, devilishly handsome bad boy from her past that further tempts her, and you’ve got a sexy trainwreck that you just can’t look away from.

 

Coming Soon

 

5. Never Have I Ever, Season 2

Release date: July 15

One of our favorite coming-of-age comedies is almost back and we are counting down the days until Devi, Paxton, and Ben are on our screens once again. When we left Devi at the end of season one, she was deciding between team Paxton and team Ben and, while the rest of us bickered back and forth between the two, it seems like Devi has come to a decision—or lack thereof. Based on the trailer, it looks like she’ll attempt to date them both at once… what could go wrong?

 

6. Outer Banks, Season 2

Release date: July 30

John B., we love your work! Our beloved quarantine binge-watch is back and better than ever and we are so ready to return to Pogue life. The first season finale left us with the ultimate cliffhanger and so many questions. Did John B. and Sarah make it to shore? What happened to the gold? Why does Mr. Cameron suck so much? Will JJ and Kiara ever link up? We have this one marked in our calendars and we will be binge watching the entire second season in one sitting. 

 

7. Virgin River, Season 3 

Release date: July 9

Virgin River fans, rejoice! The third season is fast approaching and we have our popcorn and remote ready to stream it in record time. The twisty, tear-jerking ending of season two left us wondering what lies ahead for our favorite characters and while we wait for our answers, we welcome all of the romance, beautiful scenery, and log cabin vibes back into our lives and our living rooms.

 

8. Atypical, Season 4

Release date: July 9

Oh Atypical, how we’ve missed you. After three seasons of brilliant, heartfelt comedy, drama, quirkiness, and inspiration, Atypical is back for a fourth (and final) season. As Sam works to better express love to those around him and live independently as a person with Autism, he tackles new beginnings, grapples with the idea of life after college, and learns how to follow his own heart.

 

9. Audible

Release date: July 8

Netflix is releasing yet another documentary film and this one looks absolutely incredible. Audible highlights the life of Amaree McKenstry, a deaf high school football player who is coping with the death of a friend, dealing with familial and socioeconomic challenges, and training for his final homecoming game. The trailer alone was wildly inspirational so I can only imagine what emotions the full-length feature will make me feel.

 

Darling Letters: On Embracing the Art of the Pivot

A woman wearing sunglasses looking over her shoulder

We are bringing “Darling Letters” from your inbox to the blog! We love the art of letter writing and believe it helps build authentic community. Our editors and contributors have thoughtfully written encouraging letters to cut through the busyness and speak straight to your heart.

If you asked me in February 2020 where I’d be during the spring of my junior year of college, the response would have been easy: London. Since freshman year, studying abroad had always been in my plans. Weekend trips to Paris, studying in cozy British cafés and seeing the world in a whole new lightthis was the dream. 

Now, nearly a year and a half later, I’m not in London. Instead, I’m writing this in Hermosa Beach, CA, a city I never thought I’d visit, much less live in for four months. But plans change. 

At the onset of the pandemic, we were forced to adapt. Whether it was switching to online learning, working remotely or re-learning how to share space with our families, we all had to adjust in some way. We didn’t just pivot our daily routines, we also had to make changes to major life events like weddings, graduations and even funeral ceremonies. When the pandemic hit, we didn’t have a choice in how we would respond. We had to learn to adapt.

We didn’t have a choice in how we would respond. We had to learn to adapt.

However challenging this past year has been, we learned how to pivot. 2020 taught us to mark our calendars in pencil and to hold our plans with loose hands. While postponing trips and celebrations of milestones wasn’t fun, we learned that life doesn’t always go according to planand that’s OK. This newfound perspective is invaluable.

Let’s embrace the art of the pivot and relinquish control. We can move forward from 2020 knowing that our abilities to adapt have forever been enhanced. We can move forward with courage when life doesn’t go as planned. Never again will we underestimate our ability to adjust to circumstances, no matter how daunting they may seem.

Let’s embrace the art of the pivot and relinquish control.

Olivia Novato, the Darling family

What changes did you have to make in your daily routine last year? How did you process the many changes brought on by the pandemic?

Image via Alyssa Bush

Why Self-Awareness Is Important When Traveling In Groups

A woman waving her hand as if to hail a cab

On one uncommonly sunny and warm day in Portland, my friend and I, driving back from a day on the river with freshly sun-kissed skin, were talking about some of our favorite trips we took that year, both together and with others. We realized the most enjoyable trips were the ones we experienced with friends who knew themselves well enough to voice their preferences and were able to adapt to the unexpected.

This sparked the topic of self-awareness when traveling with others and how a fun trip can take a turn for the worst when someone in the group is unaware of how their words or actions affect those they are traveling with.

A fun trip can take a turn for the worst when someone in the group is unaware of how their words or actions affect those they are traveling with.

In my experience when traveling with family and friends, whether it is a quick day trip, a week’s long road trip or flying to a different country, it is crucial to know the type of traveler you are and what type of traveler others you are traveling with are. This can determine how the trip pans out and is remembered.

I have witnessed people, including myself, attempt to warp into types of travelers they are not—whether they are intricate planners trying to be easy-going or someone who has a go with flow mindset trying to make set plans. Neither scenario ends well, and there is often a tipping point where fiery words are said, awkward silences sit for longer than anyone wants them to and passive aggressive comments are muttered under one’s breath. These situations take away from the amazement and joy of visiting beautiful places for the first time.

It took me a few years and dozens of trips to learn what type of traveler I am and the types of people I prefer to travel with. There are two characteristics that I believe create the most fun experiences when traveling with any group of people. The first is having the courage to learn about the type of traveler you are (and those you are traveling with are) and owning it. The second is having the willingness to adapt because plans rarely play out exactly as intended.

Traveling with friends who made itineraries for trips but who were also open to spontaneity, sparked excitement and anticipation. Traveling with friends who simply show up and go with the plan, yet are willing to participate in decision-making, helped the day move forward at a relaxed pace.

A large part of self-awareness when traveling is accepting who you are and who others are—both as travelers and as human beings who move through life differently. A substantial aspect of life is adapting to the unexpected and traveling is no different.

A substantial aspect of life is adapting to the unexpected and traveling is no different.

Through self-awareness and adaptability, there is little to distract from the feeling of awe when seeing the beauty of the Pacific Coast for the first time, experiencing the taste of an authentic churro in Madrid or admiring mountains that look painted on the sky in Glacier National Park. There are many experiences to have, foods to taste and cultures to learn about. Self-awareness and adaptability only enhance the wonder in traveling.

What type of friends do you prefer to travel with? What has travel taught you about yourself?

Image via Sarah Kehoe, Darling Issue No. 15

Little White Dresses We’re Loving RN

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: H&M

We all grew up hearing about the show-stopping wonders that are the LBD. That if you found the right one, it would be years-long go-to that would be the equivalent of witchcraft, giving us an answer to “what should I wear?” time and time again. But if you ask us, all of that hype should have actually been about the little white dress.

CURRENTLY TRENDING /

The Best 4th of July Sales to Shop This Weekend

epic discounts from our favorite retailers 🇺🇸 

Sure, a good LBD is a timeless addition to a wardrobe, but a LWD is the less-formal, more versatile necessity. A little white dress gives you more room to dress it both up and down, add layers over it, and take you from season to season without fail. Everyone needs a good white dress in their wardrobe, and trust us: you’ll thank yourself for investing in one time and time again—especially on days where you need something that makes you feel like you need a little something special to put on.

No matter if your calendar is filled with parties or barbecues or patio nights filled with glasses of rosé, these little white dresses will take you there in style.





BEACHLUNCHLOUNGE

Lexa Crinkle Maxi Dress

Shop it now





FRENCH CONNECTION

Whisper Ruffle Minidress

4 colors available

Shop it now





FRENCH CONNECTION

Whisper Light Sheath Minidress

5 colors available

Shop it now





LOST + WANDER

Angel in Disguise Smocked Tie Strap Dress

Shop it now





ASTR THE LABEL

Puff Sleeve Stretch Cotton Minidress

2 colors available

Shop it now





ASOS

Button Through Lace Tiered Midi Dress

Shop it now





ASOS

Long Sleeve Eyelet Mini Smock Dress

Shop it now





ASOS

Tie Back Mini Smock Dress

Shop it now





ASOS

Broderie Mini Dress with Square Neck and Puffed Sleeves

Shop it now





H&M

Wide-Cut Dress

Shop it now









H&M

Tie Belt Shirt Dress

Shop it now





H&M

Cotton Dress

3 colors available

Shop it now





H&M

Flounce-Trimmed Dress

2 colors available

Shop it now





H&M

Ribbed Jersey Dress

3 colors available

Shop it now





H&M

Bodycon Dress

4 colors available

Shop it now





H&M+

Ruffle-Trimmed Dress

2 colors available

Shop it now





MANGO

Broderie Anglaise Cotton Dress

Shop it now





J.Crew

Puff-Sleeve Eyelet Dress

3 colors available

Shop it now





Madewell

Embroidered Eyelet Button-Front Tiered Mini Dress

3 colors available

Shop it now





Madewell

Linen-Blend Clara Midi Dress

Shop it now

How to Stop Wedding Debt From Ruining Your Marriage






Source: Sincerely Media | Unsplash

That old adage of the first year of marriage being the hardest doesn’t have to ring true anymore; the early days of marriage should be one of the happiest periods in your relationship. With more and more couples functioning similarly to married couples before they walk down the aisle, there shouldn’t be that many big surprises or adjustments in store after saying “I do.” The one thing that could get in the way of those blissful early days? Wedding debt.

While being engaged, planning a wedding, and enjoying the festivities can be extremely fun and rewarding, overspending on your wedding day may just cancel out some of the joy the act of getting married brought you.

A 2019 study by LendingTree found that 45 percent of newlyweds went into debt for their wedding. Sadly, that debt led to its fair share of marital strife. We’re not trying to scare you off from having a big wedding—we really love weddings at The Everygirl—but we do want to give you some food for thought before you hand over a check to yet another vendor. 

 

CURRENTLY TRENDING /

The Best 4th of July Sales to Shop This Weekend

epic discounts from our favorite retailers 🇺🇸 

Where the problems start

It’s no secret that weddings are expensive, and wedding vendors capitalize on the fact that couples and their families want the day to feel really special. The costs can mount quickly, and it’s really understandable that you can easily step over your budget. 

In the same LendingTree study, 76 percent of newlyweds reported they went into debt to pay for their wedding, and that they argued about their wedding-related expenses with their partner. When you look at the couples who didn’t go into debt because of wedding planning, only 20 percent of couples said they argued about their wedding-related expenses.

 

What’s the worst that can happen?

While debt is very common, and is always somewhat stressful, wedding-related debt can put a unique strain on your relationship. Almost half of the newlyweds who went into debt for their wedding reported that their money caused them to contemplate divorce, whereas only 9 percent of couples who didn’t go into debt for their wedding said the same thing. Remember, these couples were only married for at most two years before the survey took place, which means side effects of wedding debt impacted their relationships very quickly. The wedding debt, in general, caused 36 percent of couples to argue about money often. 

Obviously, most engaged couples won’t be too keen on the idea of divorce or about spending their early days of marriage arguing about their finances, so creating a realistic budget for their wedding that they’re both happy with is key. To avoid resentment over wedding day spending from building up down the road, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what your wedding budget is. This conversation should extend to any family members who want to contribute as well. There is no point in being shy here, a lack of communication can only lead to more problems. Identifying how much you’re willing to spend as a couple on your big day—and actually sticking to that number—will get you both on the same page. Once you’re on the same page about what you can afford, there’s a better chance you won’t go over budget. 

What if you and your betrothed don’t see eye-to-eye on wedding day spending? That’s OK! It may feel unpleasant to disagree when you’re in the midst of engagement bliss, but being able to disagree respectfully and compromise now will help you learn how to manage financial disagreements in the future. 48 percent of American couples who are married or living with a partner argue over finances. Learning how to navigate financial disagreements early on will hopefully help you avoid fighting about money in the future. Hiding your spending now or making big decisions without consulting each other aren’t healthy decisions to make for your finances or relationship. 

If you do find yourself arguing about wedding spending, try to take a step back and figure out where the root of the argument really lies. Listen and be open to not getting your way, because that very well may be the outcome. Weddings can cause a lot of financial anxiety. The idea of an open bar might push one partner over the edge if they feel like they’re spending too much. For many people, a wedding is the first major expense they’ve had to face in their life and the whole process can be overwhelming. Try to keep both of your spending comfort levels in mind.

If a disagreement is beginning to form, ask each other the following questions to get on the same page before emotions start to run high.

  • Why is this purchase so important to you?
  • Is there a less expensive compromise that you would be happy with?
  • Would you be willing to skip another expense in favor of this one?
  • Can we pay for it in cash?

 

Your wedding day, your rules

As soon as you get engaged, get ready for a lot of opinions to come your way about what your day should look like. Feel free to nod and smile and take their advice under consideration, but at the end of the day, try to focus on what’s important to you and your partner—especially when it comes to spending. The last thing you want to do is to go into debt because a well-meaning family member insists you need to have an open bar with all the fixings. 

Sit down with your partner and write down your list of wedding priorities in order from top to bottom. Identify what is a “must-have” and what would simply be nice if there’s room in your budget. For what it’s worth, the couples surveyed reported that their most “worth-it” wedding expense actually happened after the wedding. Almost 27 percent surveyed chose their honeymoon! So don’t be afraid to have a simpler wedding day and go all out on the honeymoon of your dreams.

It’s totally OK if you want to have a super nice wedding (as long as your budget permits it of course!), but remember it’s also OK if you want to have a smaller wedding and put that money toward a downpayment, to pay off debt, or to put it into savings. Starting off your marriage by doing what is right for you and your partner is something you’ll never regret. 

 

Juneteenth: Moving Forward in the Fight for Justice

A pair of hands of people of different races intersecting

Recognized annually on June 19, Juneteenth marks the federal order to free slaves in Texas on June 19, 1865. While Juneteenth has historically and primarily been celebrated by Black communities, the day marks an important moment in our nation’s history. It offers an opportunity for all Americans to learn more about the history of slavery in the U.S., the specific structures of racism that followed Juneteenth and today’s ongoing fight for justice. 

Here’s a brief look at the history of Juneteenth, its significance and ideas for how you can recognize this important day in history:

The History of Juneteenth 

Though released on January 1, 1863, the Emancipation Proclamation did not automatically free all enslaved individuals in the United States. In states like Texas, slavery continued until June 19, 1865 when federal troops reached Galveston and proclaimed the freedom of enslaved men and women. A year later, on June 19, Black communities organized what we now call “Juneteenth,” a celebration of freedom that involved religious services, community activities, musical performances and big feasts. 

Throughout time, strawberry soda, barbecues and baseball became special hallmarks of the events, and Juneteenth adopted key focuses such as an emphasis on prayer, education and self-development. 

How to Honor Juneteenth Today

The National Museum of African American History and Culture writes, “The legacy of Juneteenth shows the value of deep hope and urgent organizing in uncertain times.” Though anti-racism education should be a consistent part of our lives, Juneteenth offers us a distinct opportunity to pause and dig in further to the history of and struggle for racial justice. 

Read a report from the Equal Justice Initiative on Reconstruction in Americathe complex history following the earliest Juneteenth celebration—or attend a virtual lecture offered by a respected institution, like the NMAAHC or the National Center for Civil and Human Rights

The urgent work of racial justice happens when we organize and gather in community to learn. Gather your community—your school, neighborhood or religious community—to honor Juneteenth. Follow Black activists, scholars and artists and engage in calls to action. You can also support organizations working toward racial justice with your time and donations.

Why the Fight for Justice Still Matters

The fight for justice for Black Americans matters. We still live in a society that is riddled with injustice. In the last year, we have witnessed injustice waged against the Black community and a stark rise in anti-Asian hate crimes, both in spite of a supposed increase in awareness about the reality of racism. 

Recognizing and honoring Juneteenth presents us with the shared opportunity to recognize where our nation has been and where we would like to go. It is a time to recognize a group of people who throughout history have been overlooked, marginalized, abused, stereotyped, profiled and threatened. It is up to us, not our parents or their parents, to be the change we want to see, which begins with humility and growing in our awareness and understanding of the true history of America and its injustices.

In what ways can you take time to learn about the history of Juneteenth? How confident are you to pursue hard conversations about race and racial injustice? What, if anything, holds you back?

Illustration via Micaela Fox

What to Wear to Every Summer Bachelorette Party

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: Funboy

Over the course of life, I’ve learned many things. One of them is that bachelorette parties (while tough on the sleep schedule and, at times, the liver) are good for the soul. There’s nothing like bringing a group of women together in celebration of a bride that transforms strangers into friends and gets you ready for the bride-to-be’s big day. While each bachelorette party differs in location, duration, and itineraries, what to wear to a bachelorette party weekend is (usually) pretty consistent.

CURRENTLY TRENDING /

The Best 4th of July Sales to Shop This Weekend

epic discounts from our favorite retailers 🇺🇸 

Consider this a blueprint for a packing list that’ll make it easier for you to choose what to wear to your next bachelorette party. By opting for one-piece getups and multi-use accessories that can work with different outfits, you can maximize your on-the-go wardrobe while saving space in your overnight bag or carry-on luggage. Our minds and bodies may not be totally ready for a weekend full of shenanigans with the gals, but you better believe our outfits will be.

 

Travel Outfit: Leggings + White Tee + Shacket + Sneakers

You can’t go wrong traveling in your comfiest pair of leggings, a white T-shirt, functional tennis shoes, and an oversized shacket (why do airplanes get so cold?). She’s practical, she’s cozy, and she’s ready to get you from point A to point B in style.





HeyNuts

Black Leggings

26 colors available

Shop it now





Topshop

Crewneck Tee

2 colors available

Shop it now





BP.

Crop T-Shirt

5 colors available

Shop it now





Vero Moda

Fleece Shirt Jacket

Shop it now





BP.

Plaid Shirt Jacket

Shop it now

 

Poolside: Black Swimsuit + Coverup + Straw Hat + Sunnies + Pool Slides

If you’re hitting up a bachelorette party in the summer or traveling to somewhere warm, you’ll probably be at a pool or beach, catching rays and sipping on your favorite seltzer drink. Along with sunscreen and a packable straw hat, these essentials are must-haves for a day next to the water.





Madewell

Drawstring Cover-Up

2 colors available

Shop it now





L*Space

Duster Cover-Up

3 colors available

Shop it now





Madewell

Tangerine Print Sarong

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

Oversized Button-Up Shirt

Shop it now





H&M

Short Beach Kaftan

Shop it now





Summersalt

One-Shoulder Swimsuit

10 colors available

Shop it now





Lands’ End

Plus Size Bikini Top

2 colors available

Shop it now





Lands’ End

Plus Size Bikini Bottoms

3 colors available

Shop it now





L*Space

V-Wire Bikini Top

Shop it now





L*Space

High-Waisted Bikini Bottom

Shop it now

 

Day Drinks: Jumpsuit/Dress/Jean Shorts and a Blouse + Sneaks + Casual Shoulder Bag

Whether you’re bar hopping in Nashville, getting a boozy brunch, or parading your bride-to-be on a pub-crawling trolley, this outfit combination is a simple one. Opt for a comfy romper, a flowy dress, or simple denim shorts with a top. It’ll help you beat the heat and look good while doing it.





Mango

Belt Linen Jumpsuit

Shop it now





Madewell

Ribbed Tank Scoop Midi Dress

Shop it now





Madewell

Belted Safari Romper

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

Tie-Front Mini Dress

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

Short Sleeve Cardigan

2 colors available

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

V-Neck Cami

3 colors available

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

Tie-Front Top

Shop it now





Zara

The ’90s Short

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

High-Rise Overalls

Shop it now

 

Fancy Dinner: A Head-Turning Dress + Strappy Sandals + Elevated Shoulder Bag

Bon appétit! It’s dinnertime, and fancy cocktails and tasty apps aren’t the only things on the menu tonight. That’s right ladies, we’re talking about serving up your favorite elevated dinner outfit that is sure to turn heads. These stunning dresses are easy to pack and will take the guesswork out of your next outfit crisis.





Mango

Chain Print Dress

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

Knot-Front Midi Dress

3 colors available

Shop it now





Mango

Gathered Waist Dress

Shop it now





Abercrombie & Fitch

Halter Tiered Dress

3 colors available

Shop it now





Eloquii

Tie-Front Maxi Dress

Shop it now

 

Night Out: A Little Black Dress/Jumpsuit + Strappy Sandals + Elevated Shoulder Bag

When you’re out on the town, you simply can’t miss with a LBD or bodycon dress that’s flattering on your silhouette and bound to make you look bomb in group pics. Cheers to a night of celebrating your bestie and befriending the most important women in her life.





Abercrombie & Fitch

Twist-Front Jumpsuit

3 colors available

Shop it now





Topshop

Twist Front Mini Dress

Shop it now





Good American

Cut

Shop it now





Open Edit

Bodycon Midi Dress

Shop it now





Lavish Alice

Corset Long Sleeve Minidress

Shop it now

 

Accessories

When you’re out and about and don’t have access to your entire collection of accessories, keep it simple. Pack your most versatile jewelry, a day bag, a night bag, two to three pairs of shoes (with one pair being sneakers for traveling and daytime activities), a pool hat, and of course, sunnies. 





Mango

Mini Basket Bag

Shop it now





Zara

Quilted Shoulder Bag

Shop it now





Mango

Embossed Necklace

Shop it now





Mango

Mixed Chain Necklace

Shop it now





Mango

Embossed Hoop Earrings

Shop it now





Marc Fisher LTD

Strappy Slide Sandal

4 colors available

Shop it now





Veja

Low-Top Sneakers

Shop it now





Steve Madden

Scuba Slide Sandals

Shop it now





QUAY

Cat Eye Sunnies

Shop it now

 

Darling Letters: How to Keep Your Heart Tender

A woman in a navy blue suit crouched on the floor

We are bringing “Darling Letters” from your inbox to the blog! We love the art of letter writing and believe it helps build authentic community. Our editors and contributors have thoughtfully written encouraging letters to cut through the busyness and speak straight to your heart.

My bleary eyes check the clock, confirming it’s already tomorrow. 1:17 a.m. I grab my journal and scribble “I’m too raw and exposed. Just teetering on an edge.” 

I breathe in and out the prayerful pleas on my heart to steady myself back into my body. Now, it’s 6:12 a.m. I’m awake again as my 4-year-old daughter clumsily tries to sneak under my covers. Her big, sleepy eyes beg for a snuggle, and she’s wrapped up in my arms just like that. Down the hall my eldest runs his fingers across the keys of our hand-me-down piano, and music fills the house and my heart too, which is strung out from yesterday’s heartache. Right now, however, it’s so full from the sweet glory of a new day that tears hit my cheeks.

Right now, however, [my heart is] so full from the sweet glory of a new day that tears hit my cheeks.

The kids are antsy for breakfast, but I quickly journal, “My mind reels and wanders. My heart swells and breaks. I need the both/and. I don’t want to dull myself from feeling tender to all that remains good.”

The tender parts of us are a glimmer of our humanity. We remain tender by holding the tension of our “ands”joy and grief, hard and sacred. I want to be soft enough to behold and brim the beauty of it all while remaining unflinchingly curious and empathetic to wade into the deep of what is broken and painful. Hard-fought, deep joy doesn’t deny or look away from sorrow. Even in heartache, we can hold space for hope to return. 

Even in heartache, we can hold space for hope to return. 

Author and activist Parker Palmer taught me the etymology of the word humus, which is the decayed vegetable matter that nurtures the roots of plants. It comes from the same root word for humility. Our most humble momentsface down in the dirt, tender and rawmay create the richest soil for deep rooting and meaning. If we harden ourselves, we’ll miss it. Stay tender for truth, healing, beauty and justice to grow wild here.

With a tender heart,
Jessica Mayfield, the Darling family

What negative connotation does “a tender heart” carry in society? How do you perceive “tenderness” and “vulnerability”? How can keeping your heart soft and tender be used to your advantage?

Image via Taylor Roades, Art via Ash (Opperman) Wilson

Darling Letters: La Libertad Que Se Encuentra Al Abrazar El Gris

A gray image of an ocean shore

Darling is working to translate some of our content into Spanish. If you have edits or feedback on this translation, our team would love your input! Email blog@darlingmagazine.org and include Spanish Translation in your subject line.

For the English version, click here.

Translation via Jennifer Rodriguez

Hace cuatro veranos, una amiga y yo nos sentamos en un muelle, mirando las estrellas y reflexionando sobre la vida. Hablamos sobre las diferencias en cómo pensamos–cómo ella piensa en gris mientras que yo pienso en blanco y negro. Desde entonces, mi forma de pensar ha cambiado y ahora veo la belleza de la vida en las áreas grises. 

Desde entonces, mi forma de pensar ha cambiado y ahora veo la belleza de la vida en las áreas grises. 

El año pasado tuvo más paradojas de las que podía haber imaginado. Un año de profunda tristeza y dolor, risa y diversión, ira y examinación, aventura y renovación, vergüenza y miedo, curiosidad y crecimiento. Me sentí más confundida que nunca. Sin embargo, de alguna manera llegué a un lugar de confianza fundamentada que no sabía que fuera posible.

 Las áreas grises pueden ser intimidantes porque no tenemos control allí. Tenemos que ver a las personas como seres humanos dinámicos en lugar de separarlos en pequeñas categorías ordenadas. Algunas personas podrían describir esto como mantener una tensión de opuestos. Yo lo experimenté como una libertad que me envolvía como una ola– a veces tan poderosa que no podía pararme y a veces tan tranquila que todo lo que podía hacer era sentarme y respirar profundamente. 

Liberar la tensión de la paradoja y abrazar las áreas grises conducen a una aceptación radical y a una gratitud. Es hermoso reconocer cómo las experiencias únicas e incluso los opuestos pueden coexistir. 

Liberar la tensión de la paradoja y abrazar las áreas grises conducen a una aceptación radical y a una gratitud.

Con resolución,
Emma

¿Sueles ver la vida y las personas en blanco y negro? ¿Cuál es el valor de aprender a tener espacio para la paradoja?

Imagen vía Raisa Zwart Photography