Archives July 2021

How to Analyze, Tear Down and Rationalize the False Narratives We Believe

A black and white photo of a woman standing near the ocean with her hair blowing in the wind

Every word and sentence that people say about themselves tells an enduring and more consistent story of how they perceive and experience life. For example, if someone refers to others as “stupid” and then utters painful stories where they expose ideas of their own worthlessness, it begins to shape a narrative of the way that person suffers.

This person may see things in a depressed light. He or she may believe that life only deals a poor hand of cards, that nothing good could be dealt and that life is meaningless. However, such statements begin to shape a pattern of one’s reality, whether the person is aware of it or not. 

A key to transformation begins with perception. Perception uses the faculties of the senses to come into awareness of something and construct a lived reality. To varying degrees, we perceive every moment to help us understand and function within the world we live in. We typically perceive things without being conscious of how sensory information is interpreted and organized through our nervous systems. Instead, we go about experiencing life, sensing and feeling our way through.

We perceive every moment to help us understand and function within the world we live in.

Perception helps form the realities we experience. One experience after another begins to build the narrative of our lives just like a story with a beginning, middle and end. Words tell a story of what one perceives. Oftentimes, people are unaware that how they speak about experiences helps organize the mental framework of their personal narrative.

If I were to tell a story about how everything went wrong, then it could be a stand-alone story of bad luck. If I told similar stories every day, then that could become an enduring tale of personal defeat and disappointment, expressed in my daily life.

How do we become conscious of the narratives that we may be writing? Long-term psychotherapeutic work suggests that when we become more conscious of false narratives, we ultimately transform them.

When we become more conscious of false narratives, ultimately we transform them. 

Here are some points to consider for self-reflection:

Reflect on what you call in. 

Perception teaches us that, while we may not be conscious of it every moment, it can help us reflect on how to attract the best possible experience and create the highest quality outcome. This may mean sensing that good things will happen as opposed to the worst.

This could mean intentionally reflecting on and drawing in positive emotions, thoughts, images and energy to help serve the day and fortify a more resilient life narrative for the long-term. This is a daily and even a moment-to-moment reflection.

Listen to the pattern.

Each person has a pattern of internal communication based on word choice and tone, which frames the narrative of one’s life. The way to identify your patterns is to listen to yourself without judgment. 

For one day, listen to the words you use to describe yourself, others and the world around you. How would you describe your language and tone? For example, perhaps you notice that your language is quite defeatist or maybe your tone represents a positive narrative of faith and perseverance.

Do this exercise over multiple days and see if there is a pattern you see emerging. Try to be open to what is and refrain from self-critique.  

Listen to yourself without judgment. 

Reframe the pattern by taking responsibility.

People can attempt to revise the pattern by taking responsibility for their portion of healing. For this exercise, focus on a particular event that recently occurred that was charged for whatever reason. 

How would you describe what happened in two sentences? Take a step back and consider that there may be multiple sides to the story. While you may feel connected to your side of the story, see if you can hold onto it less nd observe things from another perspective. The other perspective may not always feel good to think about.  

Now imagine that you are an author attempting to write the story in a balanced way to present a perspective for greater healing. Would you see the experience in the same way, an alternative way, a mishmash of both or something else?

You are the author of your narrative.

False narratives rely on experiences happening to you without you happening to them. People may perceive things happening to them without their intended participation. In many cases, but certainly not all, you may have a role to play, which could be quite empowering.  

Through the everyday choices you make, you are the author of your life. This is an invitation to step into that experience. You have the right, the ability and the wisdom to take any experience and “write it” in a way that empowers you.

You have the right, the ability and the wisdom to take any experience and “write it” in a way that empowers you.

If you did not get the job you wanted, change the narrative to not a “job lost” but “a future opportunity gained.” If a relationship ends, then rewrite the narrative from “a bitter ending” to “two consenting individuals doing their best with disattaching.” Your version will be better because it is yours, and it will be authentic to you.

Take a moment. Call in a false narrative, perceive it in the light of day as opposed to the shadow of the night. Reframe the words and tone. Write it in your own way. Sign your name under it and make it the new signature of your life: one of truth, empowerment and wisdom.

Have you ever made assumptions about other people or written a false narrative in your head? What power have you found in reframing your thoughts?

Image via Navarro Aydemir, Darling Issue No. 17

How Returning to Play Shaped My Relationship With My Father

A close up of a baseball on an empty field

My dad and I started playing catch a decade ago, and it changed our entire relationship. To be honest, I’m not sure how it all began. It just happened. Like most life-changing habits, it started as nothing special and, slowly, became something meaningful. 

A decade ago, we had a hard time sometimes even being around each other. In my early 20s, I found myself constantly bucking against his advice. Our conversations quickly turned to disagreements, then into polarizing fights and eventually to silence.

For a while, we didn’t speak. I found other father figures who fed my desire for affirmation. Meanwhile, I was ignoring my own father’s attempt to reconcile—partially because I was being selfish but also because I didn’t know how to communicate with my dad. I didn’t know how to relate to him. Instead of seeing who he was, I was too focused on who I wanted him to be. 

Instead of seeing who he was, I was too focused on who I wanted him to be. 

Unless it was raining or snowing, we’d usually meet in Kirkwood Park to play. He’d bring the gloves and baseball from his trunk while juggling his keys and wallet. We’d settle into a grassy patch, put on our gloves and start throwing the ball. Then, we’d talk. 

That’s where it started. 

There’s something about the rhythm of playing catch that allows for good conversation. For starters, your focus is on the other person. You can’t be on your phone or looking elsewhere, unless you want to get a black eye. You’ve got to wait for the other person to be ready to receive the ball, and you have to throw it so they can catch it. 

After years of struggling, it felt like we could play catch and talk for hours. Sometimes, we’d share and lend advice. Sometimes, we’d fight and have a short game. However, over time, no matter what, we just kept returning to the field. 

No matter what, we just kept returning to the field. 

On the morning of my wedding day, we played catch and I bought him a baseball as a gift. He mentioned this in the closing of his father-of-the-bride speech that night. Microphone in hand and tears in his eyes, he looked at my husband and said, ”Son, I’m tossing you the ball.” 

Commitment has been a theme for me so far this year. As I reflect on the last decade, I can see how committing to a simple game of catch led to a recommitment in our relationship. Playing catch was also the catalyst to a million other inside jokes, hugs, tears and late night phone calls. However, I can attest to the fact that a simple act in a relationship can make a huge difference 10 years down the road. 

I’m so thankful for the time I’ve shared with my dad—getting to know him and letting him get to know me. I can honestly say that I’m a better person because of how he loves. Of course, we’re still human, and we have our road bumps along the way.

In the end, I believe it’s our commitment to growing together that truly matters. In a few weeks, I’m visiting my family back home and you can bet I’m packing my baseball glove. 

Dedicated to my father, thank you for all you do. Happy Father’s Day, I love you.

Image via Today I Found Out

6 Amazon Beauty Brands You Need To Try

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: @knoursbeauty

Unless you’re living in a beauty product desert, you’ve most likely heard of all the major players in the beauty industry: Fenty Beauty, MAC, Colourpop, NARS, Neutrogena, Pantene. You know them, and you’ve probably tried them. But as these brands gain popularity, we sometimes forget about all the brands hiding in the shadows, and there are quite a few hiding in the depths of the Internet. Namely, the Amazon beauty section is quite full and possibly contains a slew of brands you’ve never even heard of—but definitely need to try.

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Our editors sifted through the massive beauty archives on Amazon to find the best brands lurking in the shadows, and there are so many products we immediately added to our wishlists. Here’s what you need to try next:

 

1. Belei by Amazon

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Released in spring 2019, Amazon’s dedicated skincare line largely flew under the radar, but its product assortment was enough to get our editors excited even two years later. Everything in this line has near five-star reviews, and everything is under $30.





Belei

Triple-Peptide Under Eye Cream

This has a tri-peptide blend, caffeine, and hyaluronic acid to plump up the area under your eyes and reduce fine lines over time. It also dries to a semi-matte finish, so it’s ideal for wearing under makeup.

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Belei

Charcoal Balancing Mask

A charcoal mask is a necessity in every person’s skincare collection, especially if you get the occasional pimple (and who doesn’t?). This one contains tons of aloe to balance out the typically irritating kaolin clay, along with glycerin and beeswax. If charcoal/clay masks usually make your skin feel tight and dry AF, try this one instead.

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Belei

Retinol Vitamin A Refining Moisturizer

If adding retinol to your routine feels a little overwhelming, opting for a moisturizer with it as an active ingredient might be the perfect solution. Retinol can be drying and sensitizing, but when combined with a moisturizing formula with hyaluronic acid and squalene, you likely won’t experience the negative parts while still getting the amazing resurfacing benefits of retinol.

Shop it now

 

2. Knours

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This one is hard to find on Amazon if you don’t know what you’re looking for because search results might just give you Knorr Pasta Sides. But when you finally come across it, it’s a total gem. Knours is focused on women getting to know their skin once and for all and finally taking control of its hormonal changes and fluctuations. The line is filled with products that specifically target the three hormonal changes women experience: menstruation, maternity, and menopause, resulting in clean, effective, and gentle skincare anyone can use.





Knours

Gentle Deep Makeup Remover Face Wash

This cleansing oil contains five different botanical oils (including some of our skincare faves like jojoba and cannabis sativa seed) to remove makeup, dirt, and excess oil from your skin without drying it out. When mixed with a little water, this becomes a milky cleanser that removes makeup easily and leaves no residue.

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Knours

Face Mist with Aloe Vera and Jojoba Oil

A face mist is one of the most underrated skincare essentials. Use it to rehydrate your skin, help skincare products apply and adhere better, and refresh after a long day—the uses go on. This one knocks it out of the park as a toner and mist and contains soothing and moisturizing ingredients like aloe and jojoba oil.

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3. Tree of Life Beauty

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This is one of the most reviewed and loved skincare brands on Amazon, but it still doesn’t have the cult-following like other brands you’d find in Target or Sephora. Admittedly, their tagline “Flawless. Younger. Perfect.” is a little outdated, but the products are all extremely budget-friendly and seriously work.





Tree of Life

Anti-Aging Face Cream

If anti-aging is your skincare goal, matrixyl 3000 is a must-know ingredient. It’s an anti-aging peptide that’s powerful in stimulating collagen production in the skin, which plumps up existing fine lines and wrinkles while preventing them over time. This matrixyl moisturizer gives your skin a dewy look without looking too oily, but the real magic is how it improves your skin’s elasticity over time.

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Tree of Life

Anti Aging Vitamin C Facial Serum

Clocking in at under $15, this serum contains a blend of vitamin C and E to brighten skin tone and add a natural, dewy glow. If you’re new to vitamin C, this is a solid starter.

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Tree of Life

Anti-Aging Serum

This is one of the most popular retinol serums on Amazon with over 20,000 reviews and for good reason.

Shop it now

 

4. Shaina B. Miami

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Shaina B. is inspired by the vibrant and busy streets of Miami and is focused on showing people how they can be their most authentic, confident selves. The line contains brushes, eyeshadows, face palettes, and more to help you create fun, beautiful looks. 





Shaina B. Miami

7-Pc Makeup Brush Travel Kit

This is a travel kit of makeup brushes, but don’t be fooled—these are full-sized brushes, so they’ll round out any makeup brush collection. They’re soft and well-made, and this set contains pretty much everything you’d need for a trip away (or even just at home).

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Shaina B. Miami

Eye Shadow Palette

Buying makeup (especially eyeshadow) on Amazon is a little intimidating because you never really know what quality you’re going to get. But you can trust these shadows to be the perfect mix of pigmented and blendable. This neutral palette has a mix of mattes and shimmers that has a space in both the novice and experienced eyeshadow wearer’s collection.

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5. Nuxe

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Nuxe is an amazing French beauty brand, so being able to easily order them on Amazon is a game-changer. They’re known for their classic French beauty products as well as their famed oil (which has the most amazing summer scent ever).





Nuxe

Multi-Purpose Dry Oil

The oil that started it all, the Nuxe Oil has a cult-following for its gorgeous finish (it’s not too oily or sticky but still gives your skin a glow) and its phenomenal scent. It’s the perfect summer vacation scent, best described as a floral vanilla. You can use this on your hair, body, as a perfume oil, and even on your face because the ingredients are so mild—heck, some even call this the French beauty secret!

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Nuxe

Scented Shower Oil

Say goodbye to drying body washes now that this is in your life. A cleansing body oil is the secret to soft, supple skin that still gets that oh-so-clean feel. This has that same Nuxe oil scent, but when mixed with a little water, it turns into a foaming wash, leaving skin super smooth, hydrated, and lightly fragranced.

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6. Fatboy Hair

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Developed by two members of Grammy-nominated international band Steriogram, Fatboy started after the rockstars couldn’t find products that kept their hair in place on stage. So they made their own hair putty, and once the band went on hiatus, Fatboy became their full-time gig. The brand has expanded into a full line of products that combine hold with movement and body, and it’s sold at salons all throughout the country.





Fatboy Hair

Tacky Oil – Protective Spray

This hair oil is a first of its kind, containing a finish that mimics a sticky foundation primer. It gives your hair lots of extra hold all day long and tons of shine, bounce, and movement. With jojoba, castor, and argan oils as well as aloe, it’s also nourishing and conditioning on the hair.

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Fatboy Hair

Defining Finish Flexible Hold Hairspray

A flexible hold hairspray can go very wrong, but this one gets it all right. It gives your hair enough hold to maintain your style all day, but it still allows for a lot of movement that makes any hairstyle look natural. It’s also humidity-resistant, so if your hair usually freaks out when humidity strikes but a crunchy hairspray just isn’t your style, you’ve found your match.

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Fatboy Hair

Sea Salt Pomade

The perfect beachy waves can be made a reality with this pomade. That matte, bouncy texture you crave can often make your hair look dry and dull, but not with this. Instead, it adds that shape while still keeping the hair moisturized. It’s the texture of a sea salt spray with the extra hold of a pomade and the moisture of a hair cream—what more could you ask for?

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Fashion Through the Decades: How 1940s Fashion Inspires My Style

A woman with a structured jacket and collared shirt posing

Drawn to 1940s style, I can’t help but agree with the motto: Vintage style, but not vintage values.

Due to World War II, designers were forced to stop making new styles from 1939 to 1945. This created a strikingly different fashion aesthetic from the beginning of the decade to the end. The government set limits on how much material a woman could purchase. Thus, women needed to get creative with their wardrobe selections.

Hence, the 1940s was known for its seemingly classic style, simple designs and clean lines. Trends could be thrown out the window in favor of versatile pieces that could be worn from season to season. Perhaps this is where the idea for the capsule wardrobe originated.

The 1940s was known for its seemingly classic style, simple designs and clean lines.

Many of us, whether we realize it or not, have been influenced by 1940s fashion. It can definitely be regarded as the start of our modern-day interest in stylish minimalism. Pieces that once gained popularity in the mid-20th century currently sit in our closets, no time travel required.

Here are some of my favorite style inspiration ideas from the 1940s:

Hair Scarfs

Seen perhaps most recognizably on Rosie the Riveter, hair scarfs were a practical way for a woman of the 1940s to keep her hair out of the way during WWII. Women of the time rolled up their sleeves and went to work outside the home for the first time. They took on essential roles in factories left behind by men who had to enlist in the military.

Patterned scarfs are a go-to accessory in my own wardrobe. I first picked up a few while thrift shopping for a feminine, yet vintage flair item. An easy, go-to scarf style can be as simple as a top-knot with a scarf wrapped around the head. It’s a perfect hack for when I run out of dry shampoo.

Pencil Skirts

In the 1940s, designers raised hemlines for the sake of fabric shortages. Also, pencil skirts that were trimmed close to the body came into fashion. Women’s fashion maintained a feminine shape, while still allowing for pieces that were practical enough for everyday wear.

Women’s fashion maintained a feminine shape, while still allowing for pieces that were practical enough for everyday wear.

In 2021, we don’t wear pencil skirts on a daily basis. However, they are still the perfect piece for a professional look with a blouse tucked in to further show off one’s shape for a “femme-fatale” look.

The Classic Dress

Perfect for the summer months, a common look that women in the 1940s wore was the iconic, yet simple, floral dress. During a period when clothes were transitioning to more practical designs, women still wanted to get dolled-up on occasion, especially toward the end of the decade as feminine styles reigned supreme once again.

An easy find today, a light and airy classic knee-length dress is still a staple in my wardrobe. A faultless and versatile fashion staple to throw on, one can dress the look up for a glamorous night out on the town or down for a casual day out at the park.

A simple dress with a good structure is the first article of clothing that drew me to 1940s fashion. It inspired me to become more in tune with my femininity and strength like the women in that time did so eloquently.

What fashion trends do you appreciate from the 1940s? What time period influences your style the most?

Image via Chris and Sarah Rhoads of We Are the Rhoads, Darling Issue No. 7